I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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