Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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