you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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