When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
