I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
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couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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