I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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