i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
