Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
