He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Rumble strips road head = magical
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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