just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
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