and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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