me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
