We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize