he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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