almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
