Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
