I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"