Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
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He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?