I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.