I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
