my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
