You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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