Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
