in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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