I wish I only lived at night.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
