Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
