He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
