FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
