I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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