I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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