she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
