Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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