Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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