i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
