Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
