she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
