Have you finally orgasmed yet?
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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