What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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