Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
