Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
