Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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