my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
