That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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