R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
