My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
