He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
