Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
