Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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