So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
