Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
