please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
