the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
