Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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