4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
