Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
