just come out here and I will go home with you...
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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