carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
