This is not my ceiling
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
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Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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