it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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