Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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