Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
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It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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