Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
