Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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