Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
