Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You're so nebulous sometimes
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize