3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And then my night got REAL pukey
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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