We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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