turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
