I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
