hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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